Uncle Phil: “I’m going to be frank.”
Judge Robertson: “Okay, who am I?”
Uncle Phil: “I’m going to run for judge”
Judge Robertson: (laughs)” Oh, Frank!”
-Uncle Phil and Judge Robertson
You have to realize, Will, sometimes Parents just don’t understand.
Uncle Phil I got your back. Well actully I got half your back cause your back is like PFF!
So your telling me to disobay uncle phils orders, ah-well wont be the first time PSSH possy out.
YOU POPPED BRUCE!
Carlton: Remember, we must never fear to negotiate, but never negotiate out of fear.
Will: Remember, Momma said knock you out! LLCoolJ.
-Carlton and Will
It’s your world squirrel, I’m just trying to get a nut.
Kathleen: If you say “breath mints” one more time i’m gonna scream!
Will: Breath mints…breath mints…breath mints, breath mints, BREATH MINTS!!!
Will: …And your momma sucks breath mints too!
-Will and Kathleen
Kathleen: I thought you liked doing things for me?
Will: I did ’til you ate all my breath mints.
-Will and Kathleen
(Singing while stuck in the basement with some girl) I’m stuck in a basement, sittin’ on a tricycle, girl gettin’ on my nerves… All this time I thought she was fine – didn’t know that her body weren’t hers.
Girrrl, your feet must be tired ‘coz you’ve been running through my mind all day, COME HERE!
Hilary: Long distance relationships don’t usually last, I mean look at The Little Mermaid. She was under the sea and he was on land.
Ashley: Yeah, but they ended up together.
Hilary: Yeah! With the help of a lobster, HELLO! Do you know a lobster?
-Hiliary and Ashley
Word Up! This is gonna be cold stupid on the serious tip.
(After Uncle Phil punches Dr. Hoover) “THAT’S IT, UNCLE PHIL! YOU’RE GROUNDED!”
Daddy, I need $300.
Carlton: “Will, check out the talent! She’s cool she’s hot, she’s”
Will: “Your baby sister, man!”
-Carlton and Will
I seen him do a lot of chewin’ but I ain’t never seen him spit nothin’ out.
Son, I’m not the one who’s gonna need luck. Not only am I gonna win, I’m gonna chew you up and spit you out.
(Looking at pictures) Ooooh, that’s nice… Oh that’s really nice… Oh that’s…. AHHH! (throws pictures)
That picture… you had no bathing suit top on!
-Will and Phil’s friend
Carlton: If it smells like walks like a duck looks like a duck what is it?
Will: Your prom date.
-Carlton & Will
Little Timmy wanted a drink, but now he’ll drink no more. Because what he thought was H 2 O was H 2 S O 4.
Back in Philly, they used to call me SPIDERMAN!
But he doesn’t use an axe or a chainsaw. He talks his victims to death. So if you see this monster run and don’t look back kids. This monster’s called the Bel Air Beast. (Points to Carlton) And ,oh my goodness, there he is!
(After his mom cheats and runs out of house in high pitched voice) My-My mommas cheatin’!
At the risk of sounding redundant, dinner is served.
Will: Omg! Carlton! whats that growing on your neck?!
Carlton: AHH! where?!
Will: Oh thats just your head.
Carlton are you by any chance an idiot?
Will: You really need a woman, G.
Geoffrey: What’s a woman?
Oh, stop it you little Filthy McNasty.
Vivian: Are you alright Will?
Will: Oh, yes Aunt Viv.
Vivian: GOOD, now i can break your legs!!!
Vy: I also got tickets to see New Edition.
Carlton: OOH! I wanna go!
Will: Shut up Carlton!
Carlton: Oh yeah! Well… You smell like brocolli.
-Will, Vy and Carlton
“YA’LL AINT GOT TO GO HOME, BUT YA’LL GOT TO GET THE HELL OUTA HERE!!!”
Uncle Phil: Geoffrey, get me my tools.
Geoffrey: You mean your knife and fork?
Uncle Phil: Back in college, I had a professor named Matthew Langford. The man changed my life. You want to know how? He challenged me.
Will: To what? A pie-eating contest?
Roses are red, violets are blue, me and Jazz are black, Carlton what are you?
Carlton: Will, while your in training you must stay away from fats, chocolates and women.
Will: damn, I should really cancel my date with that fat chocolate woman.
If you went down to jazz’s neighbourhood looking the way you look and talking the way you talk, you wouldn’t come back walking the way you walk.
All the brothers play there hair like this, Hair on top, none on the sides (points to Uncle Phil) but I guess y’all got kinda a reverse thing going on.